Blake’s Notes 12/5/2018:
I’m getting this post out a little later than usual, it’s already been a busy week for me on a lot of different directions so I apologize. This week (last week) was a super busy one, that had a lot of rough points. A lot of what you are about to read all was written Saturday afternoon while I was in my car waiting for rain to stop so I could go on my pseudo artist date.
Needless to say I didn’t really have enough time, energy, or frankly anything positive to say so what is below is literally the bare minimum without any commentary.
I have one more major update coming from my TAW experience, and expect that in the next week or so.
Week 12 Goals:
Morning Pages x7
Artist Date x1
Complete as many additional tasks as possible.
Tasks:
Write down any resistance, angers, and fears you have about going on from here. We all have them.
I’m afraid that for all of the forward momentum I have made that I will backpedal. I’m afraid that I don’t know the next steps and how to execute them. I’m afraid that I will be enticed to stay in my current position by money or other perks, instead of taking the steps to work for myself. I’m angry with myself that it has taken this long for me to find value in myself. But yet I have resistance to change, I don’t want to let anyone down.
Take a look at your current areas of procrastination. What are the payoffs in your waiting? Locate the hidden fears.
The biggest part of my procrastination involves my current debts. I need to take more of an inventory, and see where I can trim down. The more I can lock those down the better. The payoff would be a moderate amount of stability. Any additional help I can get would be better.
Mend any mending.
Repot any pinched and languishing plants.
Now, check how: Honestly, what would you most like to create? Open-minded, what oddball paths would you dare to try? Willing, what appearances are you willing to shed to pursue your dream.
There are several projects in the works, I just need to find a way to finance them or move forward. Even though it’s been done before I keep thinking of my “Friends IRL” project, and another somehow involving small town strip clubs. I’ve been joking about doing acid in the desert, and although I don’t want to go that far (probably) I’d still like to take some time for me and go exploring the world.
Re-read this book. Share it with a friend. Remember that the miracle is one artist sharing with another. Trust Yourself.
Consider it done. Kristin, you are up next. Also you are the only person I know who has consistently kept up with these posts. Consider this me calling you out...hope you can get something out of this
Check-In:
How many days this week did you do your morning pages? Have you accepted them yet as permanent spiritual practice? How was the experience for you?
Without really thinking about it I skipped a day this week. I don’t have any excuse for it, I looked over at my notebook when I woke up, but instead went back to sleep.
I’m not sure if it’s just this week, but I feel like I am just writing the same things over and over without getting the “answers” I’m looking for. If such an answer does exist somewhere.
I would like to experiment with different ways to write my morning pages. Maybe type them, maybe keep them on my phone (I did spend $10 on an app I’m not using since I returned the IPad a few weeks back).
Did you do your artist date this week? Will you allow yourself these on a permanent basis as well? What did you do? How did it feel?
It’s Saturday when I’m typing this out from my phone, I’m sitting outside of a local Barnes and Noble about to head inside. I don’t know if I can count this as a date...but it’s as good of a date as any I guess (and unless I actually decide to buy something it shouldn’t cost me anything).
I’d love to keep taking myself on dates, but of all of the various parts of this process this is the part I have had the most problems with . I can’t ever think of anything free or low cost that I’d enjoy doing. And then of course there is time. It just seems so limited.
Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
Not really any that I noticed
Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant to your recovery? Describe them.
Expect a better put together post-script coming soon. Over all I think this week certainly was a week, but each day is a step in the right direction.